i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
