I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We're too hungover to prance.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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