we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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