I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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