I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
