Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
