i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
