i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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