i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
