i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
