We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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