So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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