He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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