i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
