So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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