I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
