Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
