im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
