My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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