he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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