i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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