I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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