I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
either way he was missing a nipple.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
