you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize