How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
