I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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