i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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