I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
