The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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