Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She told me I should be a condom model.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
