it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize