I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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