Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
