I molested 6 butterflies tonight
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
