I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
