I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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