ya dads aren't the best wingmen
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
