I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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