Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My balls are so social today.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
