College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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