As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
