Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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