sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
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