I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
