I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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