i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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