Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
