Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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