It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
