if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize