Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
