I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
