Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
