Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
