we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
