Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
