i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Randomize
