I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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