im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
