Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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