when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
