Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
