I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Everything about him screamed your future.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
