I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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