theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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