I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
