I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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