the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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