i think my tv is drunk
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
