what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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