This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
