I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
