I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
