That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
