Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
