if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
wow bdsm is so cute
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
