We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize