'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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