She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
