my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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