I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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