so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
