I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
