I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
