just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
