When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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