$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
