You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
