I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
