Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
