Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize