I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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