I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
